fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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