He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
