i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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