I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
