We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
