I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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