Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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