I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
