I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
