There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
