Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
