I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
