I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
