i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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