im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do vagina's smell?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
