I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
