My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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