He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
