check it out our google latitudes are spooning
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
