So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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