Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
