accomplished twins. life is a go
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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