your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
