I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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