Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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