Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize