Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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