Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
