Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
