why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
