If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize