hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
