Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
