Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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