dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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