I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
