Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
