You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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