4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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