we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
