my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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