My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
