What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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