make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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