in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
