You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
