Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
there is puke in my bra ... again
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