I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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