Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
