I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
