a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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