paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize