Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
