there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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