He is such a slut. More and more my type.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Congratulations! We have a period
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