i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
