apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
