O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
