She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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