I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
