no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
