I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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