I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I met the friendliest cop last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
