the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
