I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
