i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
