I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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