Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
