Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
