watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
