so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
