Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
