I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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