I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I checked into jail on foursquare
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
