I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
