i jhust puked up my retainher.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
