If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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