do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
