i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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