She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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