I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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