Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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