he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
