Non-Jews are for practice
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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