Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
